The Book is Finished

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Once I met a girl. She was perfect for me, and I always knew it, but she lived so far away that I never brought it up. Never even thought about it, really. It wasn’t a possibility, so it should be put out of my mind. Except I didn’t have to bring it up. She did. She grabbed my hand and we dove into this warm, salty thing together and it’s made me the happiest I’ve ever been.

When she first brought it up, we talked about it at length; how we felt (and how weirdly in tune those feelings were), what our expectations were, and how happy we were that she’d said anything about it at all. Less than two months passed, and I was visiting her. Seeing her for the first time was like smelling the petrichor after the storm has passed. I knew what to expect, but the freshness against my senses made the experience so wholly unique that I couldn’t quite gather myself against her. As she stared up at me, finally in my arms, I wondered if she was going to try to kiss me or if I should make that move. 

Once again, she grabbed my hand and we dove in. 

The next four days were spent in a haze of disbelief. I disbelieved that she could feel so strongly about me, or that it was even happening the way it was, but she does, and it did. Leaving her meant leaving a part of myself at the gate. I’ve always been good about not dwelling on things that aren’t easy to think about, but she makes it hard on me. I want to think about it, because I need to think about her. 

Now that we’re 1300 miles apart again, I’ve tried to be sad. Really, I have. It would be so easy to mope about how hard it is to do this thing long distance with her, and how other couples have it so easy. I can’t be sad, though. Not when she makes me so incredibly happy to have something to be sad about. One day very soon, the happiness will no longer be tinged with that beautiful sadness, and it will make it all the sweeter. When I leave this place, know that I’m not doing it from a place of uncaring. I love you all dearly, and hopefully I’ll be back soon. But I can’t stand to be where she’s not. I hope you’ll understand, and be happy for me. People will say it’s happening very fast, but there was no other way for this to happen.

I’m just following my happiness to a different place.

Filed under girls personal

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(Source: y0ungthegiant, via brodegabodega)